"Extended Breastfeeding" 1.0

I am numbering this post "1.0" because I assume, like my EC posts, there will be several updates to come in the future.

So, supposedly, if you breastfeed past the age of one year, or, in some circles, even six months, you are considered an "extended breastfeeder." It has always been my goal to breastfeed Burkley until he is two years old. When I say that, I do not assume he will be nursing much by then, maybe just before bed or some other time during the day, but seldom. In many of the parenting circles to which I belong, extended breastfeeding includes nursing preschoolers, tandem nursing, and the like. Additionally, these "older" nursers are not only nursing at bedtime, but still nursing throughout the day and even throughout the night. I've always admired these nursing dyads and felt confident in our decision to let Burkley nurse for the first two years of his life, at least.

However, I've always wondered: what happens when he turns 3 and still wants "milkies"? Would I just cut him off? How would weaning go? And then, I'd brush those thoughts aside, with the "we'll cross that bridge when we get to it" mantra and move on.

As of late, Burkley has been nursing less and less...and less. I've learned through my study and research and also through hearing stories from many other nursing mamas that babies rarely wean themselves before the age of one. In fact, Kellymom says that most babes won't even wean before the age of two without pressure from mom. So, I assumed (happily, willingly, I might add) I too would be nursing for quite awhile. But, now I'm thinking that might not be the case.

Back when Burkley was about eight months old, he was eating SO much food that he was hardly nursing at all. So, we scaled back on the food and increased the nursing, for the good of his health and development. Now that he is officially one year old (!), I've been thinking about how to go about this. Talking with my amazing support system over at the Natural Parents Network, I've had to come to a harsh (for me) reality. Just because I am pro-breastfeeding, and willing and able to continue to nurse into toddlerhood, doesn't mean my child will feel the same way. Hmmm. I never expected to deal with this problem (see above--where I was wondering how to break it to my future 3 year old that we were done nursing).

In the past week, Burkley has, on his own, not "needed" milkies unless he is going down for a nap, which is only 2 or 3 times a day. He is still nursing a couple of times in the night, but since we cosleep, I hardly notice when he's nursing, nor can I always remember how many times he nursed, nor do I keep track of how long because once he's latched on, we're both back asleep within a matter of seconds. It is hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that I am not nursing him every 2-3 hours, like we did for so long in his little life. Take today, for instance: We got up at 7:00. He nursed. We went out to breakfast with friends and got back home around 11:30. When I pulled up at home, I saw that he had fallen asleep (without nursing! gasp!). However, I was "feeling it" and really hoped he'd wake up a little bit and nurse before falling back asleep in bed. He did, a teeny bit, but not nearly enough. He probably didn't even want/need to nurse at all- he would have easily fallen asleep with a cuddle and a kiss. After laying him down, I went and pumped, to relieve the pressure I was feeling, and figured I'd just put it in his sippy cup for lunch later.

So, I'm confused. He is only one. Like, barely one. I know the nutrients, antibodies, fat content, and everything else in my milk is still very, very good for him and important to his development. Do I keep letting him go hours and hours without nursing if he's not "asking" for it? I don't want to keep pumping and confuse my body-- if he IS weaning, then I want it to be slow and gradual and therefore not too painful or much of an ordeal. Oh, and did I mention that I HATE pumping?

I am hesitant for him to wean at such a young age also because now he is getting more and more mobile and social and therefore exposing himself to more and more germs and I know the nursing would help troubleshoot any oncoming illnesses. Also, and here's a biggie, my husband and I have decided to wait on vaccinating (if we do it at all), I mean, wait to even decide which, if any, we're going to do, until the big "W" word. (Weaning- for those of you who couldn't figure that out. :) I don't feel comfortable yet with vaxing my baby. I'm not ready to make those decisions (if I'm honest). So, I don't want him weaning! Of course, I do reserve the right to change my mind about the whole "we'll talk vaxing when he's weaned" decision.

Additionally, maybe I am following the "don't offer, don't refuse" method (which IS a weaning method), without even realizing it. I don't want him to wean yet, but I'm also not going to force him to nurse. When I do offer it to him, while he's awake and playing and not "asking" for it, he is certainly uninterested and generally won't nurse. Sometimes I can catch him around dinner time and he'll nurse, which holds him over until bedtime, but that's only a couple of times a week when that happens.

Well anyway. Sigh. We'll see where he goes with this. I'm letting him take the lead. He's just taking it a little too...well...leader-y for me at this young age. I will keep trying to offer it to him, but if he won't take it, then he won't take it. There's not much I can do about that.

What are your thoughts? Is it just because he's a busy one-year-old or is he gradually weaning himself? Have you experienced this with your nurslings? Please, share your experiences!