Lately I've been thinking about what our sleeping arrangement is going to look like if we were to add to our family. Currently we have a full-sized bed with a crib side-carred. Our room is teeny tiny and there is no more room for a bigger bed, unless we get rid of the crib. Even that wouldn't be as feng-shui as the hubs would like, it already kills him our dresser has to be on a diagonal in a corner to make this crib situation work. I feel hesitant to boot Burkley out of our room, but I also do not see how bedsharing with a baby could possibly occur if Burkley is not staying in his side-car (which, let's be honest, he does not do). The bed is just. too. crowded.
So, I was thinking, since we wouldn't *need* anything (baby items) for another baby, I thought I could easily persuade hubs to spring (haha, pun intended) for a BIG bed! The past two nights hubs has been on the couch with a bad cough. He always exiles himself to the couch when he has a cough so he doesn't keep Burkley and me awake all night. What do you know, the past two nights B and has slept through the night! He has rolled around all over the high-heavens of the bed and his crib, but never got close to me. I think I understand now that in the past, when he'd roll out of his crib and into me, he'd get frustrated, angry, and slightly woken up, and then want to nurse back to sleep, which I've always happily done (though we are trying to night-wean currently). So, I thought to myself, yet another fabulous reason to get a BIG bed! B can have some wiggle room and maybe not wake up at night!
As I presented this all to hubs this morning, it went something like this: "The past two nights have been great. B has not woken up at all and I'm fairly sure it's because he can roll around and never hit me and thus realize he's kind of awake and want to nurse. So, the moral of the story is..." and I paused. I was nervous because I know he doesn't want a bigger bed. But, the pause was too long. He interjected what he thought was going to be how I'd finish the sentence "...that he's ready for his own bed!"
BAM.
That idea had never occurred to me! I literally just started laughing because gee, that does maybe seem like what a regular person would think, right? It had never crossed my mind!
I'm not sure how I feel about it. I've loved bedsharing, but I know with a growing belly and a newborn to nurse, it would likely get harder and harder to keep B with us. We've had so many great laughs and silly bonding times in the morning right he wakes up and I'd be sad to give that up as well. Not having to get up to go to soothe my baby/toddler has made the first almost-two-years of nighttime parenting a breeze.
We originally knew we'd room-share, but we had never intended on bedsharing. It was just something that sort of happened. The first night home from the hospital, after a week in the NICU, I laid my sweet baby in his bassinet next to the bed, laid down, and instantly felt that it was wrong (not "morally wrong"- just that in my gut it didn't feel right). I sat right up, grabbed him, and snuggled him close to me. I had read so much about the many amazing scientific and medical and emotional benefits of cosleeping that I knew this would be what was best for my preemie who struggled to maintain his breathing, blood pressure, temperature and heart rate. Being right next to me would instantly regulate all of his vitals. Nursing was a cinch, and my milk supply was never an issue. My baby has been by my side since we got home from the hospital, something I grieve not having his first six days of life.
But now? Now what? He's nearing age two, and while many studies I've read recommend bedsharing for optimal benefits until somewhere in the age range of 3-5, or until the child chooses to go to their own space, here we are considering making the move for him. I'm not sure how it will look or how we will do it, but I can promise you, (and him!) that it will be respectful and gentle.
I think we are going to start by getting a bedrail to put inbetween our bed and his crib, just to see how he does with his own "space." That way if he does get upset, I'll still be nearby and not have to get up to go soothe him (face it, in the middle of the night, I'm lazy!).
Do you have any tips for gently moving your little one into their own space for nighttime sleep?
So, I was thinking, since we wouldn't *need* anything (baby items) for another baby, I thought I could easily persuade hubs to spring (haha, pun intended) for a BIG bed! The past two nights hubs has been on the couch with a bad cough. He always exiles himself to the couch when he has a cough so he doesn't keep Burkley and me awake all night. What do you know, the past two nights B and has slept through the night! He has rolled around all over the high-heavens of the bed and his crib, but never got close to me. I think I understand now that in the past, when he'd roll out of his crib and into me, he'd get frustrated, angry, and slightly woken up, and then want to nurse back to sleep, which I've always happily done (though we are trying to night-wean currently). So, I thought to myself, yet another fabulous reason to get a BIG bed! B can have some wiggle room and maybe not wake up at night!
As I presented this all to hubs this morning, it went something like this: "The past two nights have been great. B has not woken up at all and I'm fairly sure it's because he can roll around and never hit me and thus realize he's kind of awake and want to nurse. So, the moral of the story is..." and I paused. I was nervous because I know he doesn't want a bigger bed. But, the pause was too long. He interjected what he thought was going to be how I'd finish the sentence "...that he's ready for his own bed!"
BAM.
 |
| Burkley visiting Daddy on his "Daddy-brown-couch-bed!" (as Burkley calls it) over morning tea. |
That idea had never occurred to me! I literally just started laughing because gee, that does maybe seem like what a regular person would think, right? It had never crossed my mind!
I'm not sure how I feel about it. I've loved bedsharing, but I know with a growing belly and a newborn to nurse, it would likely get harder and harder to keep B with us. We've had so many great laughs and silly bonding times in the morning right he wakes up and I'd be sad to give that up as well. Not having to get up to go to soothe my baby/toddler has made the first almost-two-years of nighttime parenting a breeze.
We originally knew we'd room-share, but we had never intended on bedsharing. It was just something that sort of happened. The first night home from the hospital, after a week in the NICU, I laid my sweet baby in his bassinet next to the bed, laid down, and instantly felt that it was wrong (not "morally wrong"- just that in my gut it didn't feel right). I sat right up, grabbed him, and snuggled him close to me. I had read so much about the many amazing scientific and medical and emotional benefits of cosleeping that I knew this would be what was best for my preemie who struggled to maintain his breathing, blood pressure, temperature and heart rate. Being right next to me would instantly regulate all of his vitals. Nursing was a cinch, and my milk supply was never an issue. My baby has been by my side since we got home from the hospital, something I grieve not having his first six days of life.
But now? Now what? He's nearing age two, and while many studies I've read recommend bedsharing for optimal benefits until somewhere in the age range of 3-5, or until the child chooses to go to their own space, here we are considering making the move for him. I'm not sure how it will look or how we will do it, but I can promise you, (and him!) that it will be respectful and gentle.
I think we are going to start by getting a bedrail to put inbetween our bed and his crib, just to see how he does with his own "space." That way if he does get upset, I'll still be nearby and not have to get up to go soothe him (face it, in the middle of the night, I'm lazy!).
Do you have any tips for gently moving your little one into their own space for nighttime sleep?
I am on the same boat as you are. My son is now only 8 months old, but he is growing, and fast. Recently we decided to start trying for baby #2 so we started discussing the possibilities. We live in a small 450sq foot apartment, so no king-size bed for us(we're currently in a queen), so what's the first thing the hubby does? Builds our not even walking son a toddler bed. Let me tell you it looks good, but won't be used for a WHILE. I don't know what is going to happen, I just know that when he's ready, you'll know. And I think that asking for more space between you and him, its probably a sign that he would like the idea of having his own bed once he gets over the initial shock. Good luck and God-Bless! =)
ReplyDeleteMy son is the same way. If he has tons of space, he'll sleep a long stretch. If he bumps into me - as we learned on a much smaller bed on vacation - he wants to nurse each time he wakes. We are saving for a king size bed right now, but currently use a twin bed right next to (flush with) our queen and it works well. Maybe something you could try if the transition isn't smooth at first.
ReplyDeleteI love this post. Similar situation here. My son has just turned 2 and we are still co-sleeping. He also was in NICU for his first week which tore my heart out. I believe many parenting choices I made are a result of this. I feel very close to him and wonder if I will struggle more than him when he moves on into his own space. But we are pregnant again and I have been wondering how to move forward as we do want to co-sleep again. We decided to get his own bed in his room which he was able to choose and built together with daddy. He now chooses in the daytime to have his naps in his room in his bed. We still co-sleep at night (we ask him where he wants to sleep and he chooses mums bed)but my guess is at some point he is going to want to move on into his room. Until then we keep as and just move with him at his pace. I believe there will be the right time for peaceful transitioning when he is ready. Should this moment happen to be after baby number 2 is born we just try to make it all work together with the space we have got and see how it goes. Good luck to you! :-)
ReplyDeleteI couldn't even share a full size bed with my husband, let alone add Mason in there. I don't know how you sleep! We are lucky and have a big bedroom, right now have three twin beds all together and are adding one more to have room for the twins. Mason has been insisting on snuggling with me for over half the night for a couple weeks now. Not sure how I'll be able to pull off nursing two and snuggling one all at the same time...
ReplyDeleteFunny that you didn't even think of getting Burkley his own bed, I would have totally thought bigger bed, too. :)
Well, I'll be the crazy mother who will admit that I share a king-size bed with 4 children while my Partner-Guy enjoys a queen bed alone (most nights~~wink!wink!) in another room. When my 4th child was born, I tucked him in beside me on the very first night while my older children sprawled in various positions on the bed around me. I LOVED sharing my bed with my children while I was pregnant because it allowed me to share their new sibling with them in a special way AND I was able to spend precious time with them. And I'd just like to add that my Partner is quite happy to sleep alone, and he has been for 5 years--time enough for us to have added 2 children to our family. (Separate rooms does not have to mean a break-down in the relationship--in fact it just adds to the fun!) ;-)
ReplyDeleteThis is a very personal family decision, one that I'm sure you and your husband will consider carefully and explore all your options.
Congratulations, BTW! I send much love...