My Thoughts on Birth: 10 Months Later

Welcome to the First Carnival of Birth Reflections

This post was written for inclusion in the Carnival of Birth Reflections hosted by Patti at Jazzy Mama and Zoie at TouchstoneZ. Participants are writing posts that reflect on how birth has transformed them into who they are today. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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It's interesting how our feelings change as time passes. Before I had a baby, I was told that one day I'd forget the pain of labor and delivery and thus one day want to have another child.

However, for me, that's not entirely true.
I didn't blissfully forget the pain because the birth experience I had was truly amazing.
Immediately after giving birth, I wanted to do it again.
The next day, I was still on the birth high and wanted to do it again.
The next month, once I was fully healed and my preemie reached his due date, and we finally had breastfeeding going well on our own, I wanted to do it again.
It wasn't until Burkley was about five months old that I thought, "Okay, I don't need to have another baby RIGHT NOW. I kind of like it just me and him."

So for me, what changed is that I went from wanting to have that amazing experience AGAIN to maybe being up for waiting awhile...not because of the birth itself, but because I'm loving my time with Burkley so much that I'm not ready for another baby to interrupt that. In fact, in the childbirth classes my husband and I are teaching to a couple we are dear friends with, I often mention how much I want to push out a baby again!

But, some things in my experience I look back on with different views than I had immediately following the birth.

1. Episiotomy
While I was interested in having a drug-free, natural birth for many reasons, near the top of my list was avoiding an episiotomy.  However, because Burkley was premature and things were getting scary near the end of his delivery, I had a tiny pressure-episiotomy to get him out a little faster. While it was happening, I was somewhat devastated. This was the one thing I was trying to avoid! But now, 10 months later, I look on that back with an "Eh, no big deal" attitude. It was so small and I healed so quickly that it was really not that big of a deal.

2. NICU
The NICU sucks. The nurses and neonatalogists we worked with were phenomenal. There is not one thing I could think of that they could have done differently to make our stay more enjoyable. However, I still would have preferred having my baby HOME with me, where he belonged sooner than later. 10 months later, I look back on that time and realize how much that really impacted me. At the time, I just went with it, did what I needed to do, and was thankful we were only there for a week. But now, 10 months later, I realize all that I missed out on by having a premature baby. No immediate skin-to-sin contact, no immediate breastfeeding, no snuggles and newborn cuddles without seeing my baby's face hooked up to zillions of wires and having to lay untouched for certain amounts of time under the lights and for whatever reasons they gave us. IT. SUCKED.

3. Hemorrhaging
This was one thing I was not prepared for in my Bradley classes or my research. My hemorrhaging was not bad, by any means, but I didn't realize, even until teaching the classes we're teaching now, that it is standard protocol for nurses to give you pitocin after your birth to stop hemorrhaging. Would have been nice to have been asked. 

4. Home Birth?
Even while pregnant, I knew I would love to have a homebirth, but thought maybe for my first birth, I should go ahead and go to the hospital. Plus, midway through my pregnancy, we moved and I didn't have time to find a good midwife to do a homebirth, so I just put that idea in the back of my head. Now that I've had 10 months to think about it, I know that for sure that is what I will attempt next time. I do have a slight worry about my next baby coming early again and how that could be scary, but, Lord willing, there wouldn't be need for anything beyond what an ambulance could provide for my baby if he or she needed to be whisked away to the hospital. Plus, a big part of me wonders if what Burkley REALLY needed was some skin-to-skin time with his mommy to get his breathing and other issues on track. I do feel robbed of the experience of having my baby laid directly on me after his birth and the cuddling, breastfeeding, and bonding that was "supposed" to occur, and I feel that while I could have had that in the hospital, had he not been premature, I for sure will get to do that at home.


So, there you have it: my reflections of my birth experience 10 months after the fact. I still look back on that day fondly and look forward to getting to do it again.

 Additionally, having gone through birth has changed my passions and interests in life. I now thrive on researching new topics including pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, natural parenting and more-- things that never seemed to interest me much before. I get joy from helping new moms in the ways that I was helped and I love being able to help them have a wonderful experience with it all. I hate the walls that motherhood can create, but there is something greater than those walls: I love the community motherhood creates. I never knew I would enjoy talking to other moms about simply being a mom. 

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Visit Jazzy Mama and TouchstoneZ to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Birth Reflections!




Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• In the Middle - A Progression Through Four Birth Experiences Amy at Peace 4 Parents shares her birth experiences and the central focus that holds them together.
• A Birth Story-The Post Where I Finally Let Go Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama finally frees herself of all of the negativity she held onto regarding the way in which her daughter came earthside.
• From Hospital to Home Birth Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling explains how it took three pregnancies to realize that birth is a natural, empowering life event to be celebrated at home.
• Preparing for Joyful Birth-Making Peace with my Soul Shana at Tales of Minor Interest prepares to birth her second child with joy after a traumatic first birth experience.
• Reflections Rosemary at Rosmarinus Officinalis reflects on the planned cesarean birth of her breech daughter.
• The Top Five Utterances of my HBAC Leah @ Zen and the Art of Cloth Diaper Maintenance comments on how an HBAC brings many new expierences and phrases.
• Labor Phases: Latent, Sleep, Transitional, Hell CatholicMommy shares the surprises of her birth story.
• The Birth of My first Child - Our Miracle Baby Darcel @ The Mahogany Way Birth Cafe shares her story of the traumatic birth of her first child. Darcel still feels guilt over the birth and is looking for ways to heal.
• My Thoughts on Birth: 10 Months Later Adrienne at Mommying My Way compares how she feels about her son's birth now that he's ten months old with how she felt right after he was born, and how that impacts how she relates to other new moms.
• Jasmine's Birth, My Rebirth Patti at Jazzy Mama discovered that the birth of her third daughter would change her entire view of her Life.
• Birth Reflection: It Only Takes A Second Zoie at TouchstoneZ reflects on her third homebirth-the birth of her second living child