I'm always thinking about this kind of thing and I've even blogged about it a few times, so at the risk of being redundant, here is another post on motherly support.
My blog is a place where I share what I like to do in my mothering. I've found some great ways to save money and "mommy" in ways that go with my gut. When I share what works for us, it should not be interpreted that doing things differently is wrong, because guess what? There is no WRONG or RIGHT way to parent, as long as your child is healthy and happy. Of course, being healthy and happy are sometimes relative terms, but if you believe your child is healthy and happy and YOU are healthy and happy with the way things run in your family, then you're doing it RIGHT!
I don't mean this to be a "everyone is right in her own way" type of post, because I am not one to be so pluralistic about everything in life. It is my personal belief that there IS a right way to parent-- when we're talking about raising our kids, teaching them right vs. wrong, shaping their character, etc., and I get my ideals for those matters from the Bible. However, the Bible doesn't say anything about whether or not to cosleep, breastfeed, use cloth diapers, vaccinate our children, or to let our children cry-it-out. Those are decisions we moms have to make on our own, following our intuition and our guts.
However, if you are not happy or at peace with the way you've chosen to do things, perhaps that choice is/was wrong for your family. Perhaps you chose to listen to what someone else told you to do over what you knew was going to be the right choice for your family. In that case, I urge you to not feel guilty when looking back on those times. We all do things we wish we could change sometimes. But, if those original decisions were made based on what we thought would be best for our children at the time, then do not let the guilt of past decisions weigh you down. Stand up, brush off, and move forward.
For the vast majority of decisions made when our children are in infancy, it is more about us as parents than it is about the baby. Cloth diapering and babyled weaning are two ways that I save a LOT of money. I don't know if Burkley really cares one way or the other and I don't know if when he's an older child, you'll be able tell the difference between him and a child who wore disposable diapers and ate baby food. But, those choices make my life easier and save us some money, so we do it. Breastfeeding and cosleeping are other such examples. They make our lives easier, we get good sleep, and feeding my baby is free. Again, these are choices that make my life easier. Sure, they are certainly not hurting my child and I do believe that he is secure, healthy, and happy because we do those things, but I don't think that your child is insecure nor unhappy just because you may not do those things.
There are online forums on which parents get all up in arms and in defensive argumentative mode about these topics and others. I wish we would save the debates and discussions for when our children are no longer babies, but older, when issues like talking back, disrespecting elders, lying, cheating, and others are part of our parenting. In the meantime, while it's fun, comforting, and often helpful for us moms to find parents who are like-minded with whom we can discuss our similar parenting styles, it should not be something that divides us. If you choose to give your child a bottle, I do not assume you think I am doing something wrong by breastfeeding. If I breastfeed, I hope you don't assume I think you're doing something wrong by bottle-feeding. If you and your child are healthy and happy, I DO NOT CARE what you choose to do. I also think is especially prevalent on online forums where people are not afraid to say what they think or feel because no one knows who they are. I have friends who parent differently than me and they have never given me grief over decisions I've made, regardless of whether or not they've made the same decisions for their families.
On the flipside, while community is wonderful, I feel like it can sometimes put us in a box with blinders on. When all we choose to surround ourselves with are people who are like-minded, how will we ever learn to respect other ways of doing things? I can tend to forget that there are people who choose to do things differently because I am mostly only in communication with people who parent in the same ways as me. The support of those parents is great, but it can also be alienating-- I can often be alienated from the reality of other parenting styles. Again, I do not think of those other decisions as wrong, I just sometimes forget they are out there! So, although community is great, we have to be careful not to seclude ourselves from people with whom we differ.
Additionally, I think it's important to keep our eyes on the bigger picture. Infancy is such a small time in our children's lives. We have to remember that we are raising future adults- future wives, husbands, and parents. We are not just raising an infant or toddler. There are many other things out there that are much more important to the job of mothering than diapers, naps, and feedings. While those things tend to consume us when our kids are little, keeping an eye on the big picture is of highest importance. This time is fleeting.
I support you as a mother in making the wisest decisions for your family.
All I ask is for the same in return.
My blog is a place where I share what I like to do in my mothering. I've found some great ways to save money and "mommy" in ways that go with my gut. When I share what works for us, it should not be interpreted that doing things differently is wrong, because guess what? There is no WRONG or RIGHT way to parent, as long as your child is healthy and happy. Of course, being healthy and happy are sometimes relative terms, but if you believe your child is healthy and happy and YOU are healthy and happy with the way things run in your family, then you're doing it RIGHT!
I don't mean this to be a "everyone is right in her own way" type of post, because I am not one to be so pluralistic about everything in life. It is my personal belief that there IS a right way to parent-- when we're talking about raising our kids, teaching them right vs. wrong, shaping their character, etc., and I get my ideals for those matters from the Bible. However, the Bible doesn't say anything about whether or not to cosleep, breastfeed, use cloth diapers, vaccinate our children, or to let our children cry-it-out. Those are decisions we moms have to make on our own, following our intuition and our guts.
However, if you are not happy or at peace with the way you've chosen to do things, perhaps that choice is/was wrong for your family. Perhaps you chose to listen to what someone else told you to do over what you knew was going to be the right choice for your family. In that case, I urge you to not feel guilty when looking back on those times. We all do things we wish we could change sometimes. But, if those original decisions were made based on what we thought would be best for our children at the time, then do not let the guilt of past decisions weigh you down. Stand up, brush off, and move forward.
For the vast majority of decisions made when our children are in infancy, it is more about us as parents than it is about the baby. Cloth diapering and babyled weaning are two ways that I save a LOT of money. I don't know if Burkley really cares one way or the other and I don't know if when he's an older child, you'll be able tell the difference between him and a child who wore disposable diapers and ate baby food. But, those choices make my life easier and save us some money, so we do it. Breastfeeding and cosleeping are other such examples. They make our lives easier, we get good sleep, and feeding my baby is free. Again, these are choices that make my life easier. Sure, they are certainly not hurting my child and I do believe that he is secure, healthy, and happy because we do those things, but I don't think that your child is insecure nor unhappy just because you may not do those things.
There are online forums on which parents get all up in arms and in defensive argumentative mode about these topics and others. I wish we would save the debates and discussions for when our children are no longer babies, but older, when issues like talking back, disrespecting elders, lying, cheating, and others are part of our parenting. In the meantime, while it's fun, comforting, and often helpful for us moms to find parents who are like-minded with whom we can discuss our similar parenting styles, it should not be something that divides us. If you choose to give your child a bottle, I do not assume you think I am doing something wrong by breastfeeding. If I breastfeed, I hope you don't assume I think you're doing something wrong by bottle-feeding. If you and your child are healthy and happy, I DO NOT CARE what you choose to do. I also think is especially prevalent on online forums where people are not afraid to say what they think or feel because no one knows who they are. I have friends who parent differently than me and they have never given me grief over decisions I've made, regardless of whether or not they've made the same decisions for their families.
On the flipside, while community is wonderful, I feel like it can sometimes put us in a box with blinders on. When all we choose to surround ourselves with are people who are like-minded, how will we ever learn to respect other ways of doing things? I can tend to forget that there are people who choose to do things differently because I am mostly only in communication with people who parent in the same ways as me. The support of those parents is great, but it can also be alienating-- I can often be alienated from the reality of other parenting styles. Again, I do not think of those other decisions as wrong, I just sometimes forget they are out there! So, although community is great, we have to be careful not to seclude ourselves from people with whom we differ.
Additionally, I think it's important to keep our eyes on the bigger picture. Infancy is such a small time in our children's lives. We have to remember that we are raising future adults- future wives, husbands, and parents. We are not just raising an infant or toddler. There are many other things out there that are much more important to the job of mothering than diapers, naps, and feedings. While those things tend to consume us when our kids are little, keeping an eye on the big picture is of highest importance. This time is fleeting.
I support you as a mother in making the wisest decisions for your family.
All I ask is for the same in return.
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| (I hope you all understand that he was playing "peekaboo" with the orange one- not the yellow!) |
Well said. So glad your choices are working well for you and your family!
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