Parenting Two Kids: Enter, Mommy-Guilt

The initial few months of juggling two kids were interesting, but not overly difficult. I didn't feel overly stressed out or tired. But now that I've been doing it for six months, I'm starting to feel the toll it's taking. 

The "mommy-guilt" has set in. I was telling a friend the other day that I didn't really ever struggle with "mommy-guilt" with Burkley. Why would I? I had all the time in the world to research, make the choices I liked best, and then implement them on my sweet babe as I willed. Things went well, I slept when he slept, he was happy, healthy, clean, well-fed, etc. It was more or less smooth sailing. As he grew, we enjoyed playing together, reading books, enjoying each other's company. He was my buddy, my friend, my son. We talked, we learned from each other, it was great. I gave him the attention he needed and I didn't really feel lacking in anything in my own personal social life. 

But now, with two, things are different. I don't spend adequate time (in my opinion) with either of them. I'm often telling Burkley to be quiet because I'm getting Cadriel to sleep or I need to him to stay asleep. We don't get to play much because when Cadriel is asleep, I try to get some housework done. We don't get to explore outside they way I'd like to, because I'm limited in my climbing/digging/exploring abilities when babywearing. I miss my buddy and the time we got to spend together when it was just him. 

I also don't feel like I give Cadriel adequate attention. Being baby-worn so often, I hardly feel like I get to look at his adorable face. He loves being down on the floor and exploring too, so when I'm not wearing him, he's "easy" to be left alone while I frantically try to tackle a small chore while everyone's occupied. 

I try to be conscious of spending quality time with each of my boys, but to me, it's just not enough. If I ignored the housework, it would provide me more time with them, but I don't see how that is really an option. And when I stop to realize how fast time is flying by, it upsets me all the more. 

My boys are both healthy. They seem relatively happy. They are not always clean (haha). My house is very very not clean. 

I love them so much. I want everything for them. I want them to have all the attention they want and need. I do know that it's not bad for them to be able to entertain themselves. I know the "mommy-guilt" makes me see it for worse than it probably really is. 

I have no idea how people have more than two kids! 

Burkley thought Cadriel needed ALL of these toys.