In anticipation of Baby C's arrival, we've been trying to decide what to do about our habit of Burkley falling asleep with someone. I love putting him to sleep (generally) and enjoy reconnecting with him at the end of the night by snuggling him until he zonks out. My husband and I, however, have decided to alternate nights of snuggling to sleep in preparation for when there are nights I can't snuggle Burkley to sleep because I'm taking care of the baby. In my head, I know I'd still love for us to all read stories together and do the bedtime routine together, even if that means I'm just present for it all, while nursing or soothing a baby, while my husband does the rest. But, I know there will be nights that that will not be conducive to Burkley falling asleep. So, we now trade off, every other night, on snuggle-duty. About half the time, Burkley will fall asleep snuggling with Daddy, but the other half he ends up crying for me to snuggle him. When this happens, I always go in and snuggle him because I want him to know he can have me if I'm available!
The bigger struggle has been naptime. Daddy's at work for naptime, so we have no other option than for me to put him down. In the past two to three weeks or so (basically since I've cut him off from "snuggle milmies") we've really struggled with naptime. He just won't stay in the bed. He wants to get up and read books and play toys for over an hour before falling asleep. I've resorted to bribery and lying, both of which I'm ashamed of and do not want to use as a sleep tactic. I "fake" call Daddy on the phone to tattle on Burkley or tell him if he sleeps he can have a snack. This is just pointless and I know it needs to stop. The other day I snapped so badly that he cried himself to sleep, only slept for 40 minutes, and then woke up hysterically crying more. Once I soothed him back to sleep, he slept for another two hours. I began to wonder if he was outgrowing naps or if we just needed a new routine. Obviously laying with him reading and snuggling for over an hour each day, though it offers great quality time, will not be feasible with a new baby in the house. So yesterday, I decided to lay with him, read to him, snuggle him, etc., for an hour, and then leave the room to see what he would do. He ended up playing and reading by himself for about 45 minutes. Then I let him come out and we carried on with our day. He never slept, but he was not cranky and did not seem tired. I was shocked. Bedtime was also pretty easy for Daddy-- Burkley fell asleep midway through his second book. He did end up waking 1.5 hours later and then again 2 hours later, which was a bummer. I'm not ready to assume that he's outgrown naps, so today I repeated the process. I read/snuggled with him for an hour and then I told him I was going to go rest and read by myself and that he needed to rest too (and I did tell him that we had something very special to do tonight--which is true and he will be up late, so I needed him to sleep!). I shut the door, went into my room, read for awhile on my bed and fell asleep. I know that his room is safe and there is nothing in there he could use to hurt himself, and moreover, he's just not an explorer in general. Well, that is until lately...within the past week or less he's figured out how to climb his changing table. I'm always there to supervise, but I didn't really think much of this new-found skill when I left the room. Forty-five minutes later, I woke up and realized that I hadn't heard any sounds coming from his room for quite awhile. I gently creaked open his door and peeked my head in. I heard snoring, but I didn't see him in his bed. Or on the floor. Curious, I opened the door all the way so I could see his whole room. Can you believe where I found him!? Totally zonked out, snoring, drooling, with a baby doll in one hand and a baby hairbrush in the other. Prepping for big-brotherhood sure can be tiring! :)
I then moved him to his bed where he's now been sleeping for almost two hours. :) See, I knew he was sleepy!
It's interesting to me how neglectful I feel. I hate that he fell asleep by himself without being snuggled. But, I know that this is part of him growing up. :( It amazes me that some of my friends' children have been doing this for years! I also know that if we get the hang of this before baby comes, that it could really be helpful to me in many ways. He certainly didn't seem upset by it, he never cried or asked for me or anything. It's amazing that he's starting to fall asleep independent of me!
The bigger struggle has been naptime. Daddy's at work for naptime, so we have no other option than for me to put him down. In the past two to three weeks or so (basically since I've cut him off from "snuggle milmies") we've really struggled with naptime. He just won't stay in the bed. He wants to get up and read books and play toys for over an hour before falling asleep. I've resorted to bribery and lying, both of which I'm ashamed of and do not want to use as a sleep tactic. I "fake" call Daddy on the phone to tattle on Burkley or tell him if he sleeps he can have a snack. This is just pointless and I know it needs to stop. The other day I snapped so badly that he cried himself to sleep, only slept for 40 minutes, and then woke up hysterically crying more. Once I soothed him back to sleep, he slept for another two hours. I began to wonder if he was outgrowing naps or if we just needed a new routine. Obviously laying with him reading and snuggling for over an hour each day, though it offers great quality time, will not be feasible with a new baby in the house. So yesterday, I decided to lay with him, read to him, snuggle him, etc., for an hour, and then leave the room to see what he would do. He ended up playing and reading by himself for about 45 minutes. Then I let him come out and we carried on with our day. He never slept, but he was not cranky and did not seem tired. I was shocked. Bedtime was also pretty easy for Daddy-- Burkley fell asleep midway through his second book. He did end up waking 1.5 hours later and then again 2 hours later, which was a bummer. I'm not ready to assume that he's outgrown naps, so today I repeated the process. I read/snuggled with him for an hour and then I told him I was going to go rest and read by myself and that he needed to rest too (and I did tell him that we had something very special to do tonight--which is true and he will be up late, so I needed him to sleep!). I shut the door, went into my room, read for awhile on my bed and fell asleep. I know that his room is safe and there is nothing in there he could use to hurt himself, and moreover, he's just not an explorer in general. Well, that is until lately...within the past week or less he's figured out how to climb his changing table. I'm always there to supervise, but I didn't really think much of this new-found skill when I left the room. Forty-five minutes later, I woke up and realized that I hadn't heard any sounds coming from his room for quite awhile. I gently creaked open his door and peeked my head in. I heard snoring, but I didn't see him in his bed. Or on the floor. Curious, I opened the door all the way so I could see his whole room. Can you believe where I found him!? Totally zonked out, snoring, drooling, with a baby doll in one hand and a baby hairbrush in the other. Prepping for big-brotherhood sure can be tiring! :)
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| Fast asleep! |
I then moved him to his bed where he's now been sleeping for almost two hours. :) See, I knew he was sleepy!
It's interesting to me how neglectful I feel. I hate that he fell asleep by himself without being snuggled. But, I know that this is part of him growing up. :( It amazes me that some of my friends' children have been doing this for years! I also know that if we get the hang of this before baby comes, that it could really be helpful to me in many ways. He certainly didn't seem upset by it, he never cried or asked for me or anything. It's amazing that he's starting to fall asleep independent of me!
I understand what you are saying. It is hard for our guy to get to sleep on his own...at our house. At grandma's or daycare, nary a problem. We aren't sure how to transition him to his own bed but you gave us some great ideas.
ReplyDeleteThat photo is darling!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm curious how his perspective will change once baby arrives ... Jemma has become very attune to the fact that she is going to sleep because Mama and Max need to nurse/sleep too. Sometimes she'll stay in her room/bed to sleep, sometimes she'll finish her sippy of milk and come climb into bed with us. We've practiced being very quiet when baby is eating/sleeping so she practically tip toes and whispers on the days she does join us.
I'll be praying things go smoothly as you continue practicing! And, I totally get the feeling of wanting to be there and snuggle and feeling like this is such a big step for everyone in growing up. On the weekends sometimes I'll still snuggle her to sleep because I miss it :)