This weekend I had the privilege of attending the Quad Cities Birth Conference. It was a fabulous event put on by our local Quad Cities Birth Coalition, an organization made up of local birth professionals. There were several breakout sessions to choose from, and I naturally chose to go to the session on High Risk Pregnancy. I really learned a lot! One humorous but poignant portion of the session was a little segment the speaker did on "What Not to Say To a Mother on Bedrest" and I wanted to post a few of those here as well as add my own. :) I also learned the definition of "high risk pregnancy" which I think will be helpful for any reader to understand before reading on: A high risk pregnancy is one that involves any condition that creates complications for either mother or baby before, during, or after the birth.
1. Do not make any comments regarding the well-being of the child. Some moms at this session mentioned people said things like, "So, is he going to be retarded?" or "So what's wrong with him, anyway?" or things like that. Or, they share a story of so-and-so's child who was born under similar circumstances who either turned out fabulous...or...did not. I know that people just don't know what to say and try their best to be kind, helpful and optimistic. To me, one of the most aggravating things people say is, "But he turned out fine!" about Burkley although he was premature. Because yes, yes he did (so far!) but that does not negate anything I'm going through now, nor does it guarantee that this time around everything will be "fine." Which leads me to the next one...
2. "Everything will be fine." As the speaker indicated, no one knows for sure if everything will indeed be fine. There is no need for false confidence, though I'm sure the person who would say this is only trying to help and remain positive. Hopefully everything will be fine, but there is no reason to not think about and plan for what may not be fine. However, I do feel like certain people can say this to me without it offending or upsetting me. I feel like when this is said, it is more likely to mean that whatever happens we will all work through it, support each other, and remain positive and hopeful. I also know the importance of not allowing fear dictate our thoughts and actions and how fear can produce the exact outcome we are trying to avoid. In that light, it is okay to think that everything will be "fine." :)
3. "Wow! What a life, to lounge around all day in your pajamas!" Ha! Well, I suppose the grass is always greener on the other side. But, did you know that bedrest does not look like this:
But, no. For starters, you can't lay on your back. So, always being on your side means operating with the use of only one arm. It means your neck is at a weird angle and it means your back and hips get sore. And in my case, it means having a two year old climbing and jumping on you at his every whim. :) It means rarely being sleepy because you hardly expend any energy throughout your day. It means always being groggy because you live life in a loungy type of fog. It means craving the feeling of accomplishing something but struggling to find the ability to concentrate on anything for very long. (These were things the speaker explained that I greatly resonated with). And for me, it means that since I am hardly ever up, when I do get up, I am in pain. Crampy and tight after being up for more than 20-30 minutes means that when I do want to be productive or have fun with my little man, it really takes it out of me.
I don't write any of this to complain. I am taking the cards I've been dealt in stride and we are dealing with this one day at a time. It's been an adjustment to our lives, but I am grateful that I do not have a more serious condition and that I am only on modified bedrest, rather than permanent. I only write to inform. I learned a lot at that session and wanted to "journal" about it in a way, adding in my own thoughts and experiences as a record for myself.
Overall, this session I attended taught me that some people really do have very serious issues while others have more mild ones. In any case, each instance is different and it's easy for some moms to feel isolated because it's hard to find someone whose experience matches your own. It also gave me a new perspective into why my midwife takes things so seriously though I tend to brush them off as no big deal. She has seen a lot of different things that I know nothing about. She knows that the possibilities are and I do not. But she also knows how to help, so alas, here I lay, for 4-6 hours a day. :)
1. Do not make any comments regarding the well-being of the child. Some moms at this session mentioned people said things like, "So, is he going to be retarded?" or "So what's wrong with him, anyway?" or things like that. Or, they share a story of so-and-so's child who was born under similar circumstances who either turned out fabulous...or...did not. I know that people just don't know what to say and try their best to be kind, helpful and optimistic. To me, one of the most aggravating things people say is, "But he turned out fine!" about Burkley although he was premature. Because yes, yes he did (so far!) but that does not negate anything I'm going through now, nor does it guarantee that this time around everything will be "fine." Which leads me to the next one...
2. "Everything will be fine." As the speaker indicated, no one knows for sure if everything will indeed be fine. There is no need for false confidence, though I'm sure the person who would say this is only trying to help and remain positive. Hopefully everything will be fine, but there is no reason to not think about and plan for what may not be fine. However, I do feel like certain people can say this to me without it offending or upsetting me. I feel like when this is said, it is more likely to mean that whatever happens we will all work through it, support each other, and remain positive and hopeful. I also know the importance of not allowing fear dictate our thoughts and actions and how fear can produce the exact outcome we are trying to avoid. In that light, it is okay to think that everything will be "fine." :)
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| Yeah, that's kind of what I pictured too. |
I don't write any of this to complain. I am taking the cards I've been dealt in stride and we are dealing with this one day at a time. It's been an adjustment to our lives, but I am grateful that I do not have a more serious condition and that I am only on modified bedrest, rather than permanent. I only write to inform. I learned a lot at that session and wanted to "journal" about it in a way, adding in my own thoughts and experiences as a record for myself.
Overall, this session I attended taught me that some people really do have very serious issues while others have more mild ones. In any case, each instance is different and it's easy for some moms to feel isolated because it's hard to find someone whose experience matches your own. It also gave me a new perspective into why my midwife takes things so seriously though I tend to brush them off as no big deal. She has seen a lot of different things that I know nothing about. She knows that the possibilities are and I do not. But she also knows how to help, so alas, here I lay, for 4-6 hours a day. :)
Hello, I just found your blog by searching "bed rest 4-6 hours a day." I am a mom to a 2 1/2 year old girl and have another little one on the way. My daughter was also born 6 weeks early so starting at 24 weeks (which is in 2 weeks) I am going to be on bed rest for 4-6 hours a day. Your activity suggestions are great! I wish you all the best and will be reading your updates!
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