Burkley has always been a terrible sleeper. Always.
When he was a newborn, he'd sleep happily in my arms or in the sling all the livelong day (or night).
But, if I put him down, he was up.
In the 3-6 month range, I could maybe put him down for about 20 minutes or so, but then he'd wake up.
For most of his first year, he nursed during the night every two hours. It was easy, since we bed-shared, so I never really minded. I never really lost sleep, felt tired, or had other responsibilities that required me to get a certain amount of sleep. I could nap when he napped and sleep when he slept and all was well.
Now, at almost two, he still is a terrible sleeper. Nights are getting better with him only nursing once or twice, but naps are still a little rough. He'll sleep for maybe an hour and then need to be nursed back to sleep again. He'll then sleep another hour or two. Again, for the most part, it really doesn't bother me. I'm home, I'm not doing much else (or at least nothing that can't be interrupted -i.e., housework or goofing around online), so it's not an issue. The times when it becomes an issue are the few and far between times when I have an errand to run or somewhere to be, usually on a weekend, when I have to leave him home with Daddy for naptime. I'll nurse him down, head out, and usually within 30-40 minutes I'll get a text saying he's awake and in no way shape or form going back to sleep. Sigh. I get frustrated (this isn't an infant here, it's a toddler!) and either come home or have the hubs just deal with it the best he can.
Burkley will sometimes fall asleep in the car and he's pretty good about being transferred to the bed and staying asleep. Other than those handful of times, he's never once gone to sleep, or been put back to sleep, without nursing. He just won't have it any other way. Sure, I could let him cry, but that's never proven to get us anywhere. He'll just stay awake for ever! I truly don't mind nursing him to sleep since it's the only time he nurses, but once in awhile lately I've been finding myself ready for someone else (i.e., my husband) to be able to help in the process a bit. I know we'll get there eventually, and the arrival of Baby C in the spring may help push that along a bit.
Last week was a weirdly terrible week for sleep. He fought his naps every day for a minimum of 1.5 hours before finally zonking out and then would repeat the process at bedtime. For whatever reason, he was just not tired last week. This week has, so far, been back to normal, for the most part. Sunday he woke up from his nap right when I left and then went to bed early that night. Then Monday he napped for four hours and ended up not going to bed until after 11:00pm. I still say it's been "back to normal" because he hasn't been fighting sleep, he just nursed and fell right asleep.
In any case, I do feel like his sleep routines are changing. At bedtime for several nights now, he has asked that Daddy come lay with us while he nurses. He cuddles with Daddy a bit and then will nurse for another minute and then cuddle with him some more. He still falls asleep at the breast, but he is involving Daddy a bit more than he ever has. I'm trying to stay in tune with what his sleep needs are (less? more? timing changes?), but I admit that I fear he'll be a kid to give up naps at an early age! At this age, he's not ready to just sit and have a quiet time. If I left him in the bedroom alone with toys or books, he'd get upset and just want to leave and he'd try to get out. He is quite willing to play alone in his room though, (where all the toys and books are!) and will usually do so quietly and independently for about 20 minutes before his nap each day anyway.
With his new bedrail in place, he's staying in his crib a lot more throughout the night, but when he needs me, I am still easily accessible. He just stands up in his bed and walks right over to me through the little opening by his pillow. Lately though he's only been doing this once or twice at night, which is great. We're trying to get him in the habit of staying in his bed since there will be a new baby in the bed come spring. So far, I really do feel like we're on the right track for that.
Please share with me in the comments section your experiences with any of the above. Do you have a terrible sleeper? (Please, don't share with me about your awesome sleeper, I've heard enough about those.) Any tips or personal stories for how your little one adjusted his or her nighttime routine?
When he was a newborn, he'd sleep happily in my arms or in the sling all the livelong day (or night).
But, if I put him down, he was up.
In the 3-6 month range, I could maybe put him down for about 20 minutes or so, but then he'd wake up.
For most of his first year, he nursed during the night every two hours. It was easy, since we bed-shared, so I never really minded. I never really lost sleep, felt tired, or had other responsibilities that required me to get a certain amount of sleep. I could nap when he napped and sleep when he slept and all was well.
Now, at almost two, he still is a terrible sleeper. Nights are getting better with him only nursing once or twice, but naps are still a little rough. He'll sleep for maybe an hour and then need to be nursed back to sleep again. He'll then sleep another hour or two. Again, for the most part, it really doesn't bother me. I'm home, I'm not doing much else (or at least nothing that can't be interrupted -i.e., housework or goofing around online), so it's not an issue. The times when it becomes an issue are the few and far between times when I have an errand to run or somewhere to be, usually on a weekend, when I have to leave him home with Daddy for naptime. I'll nurse him down, head out, and usually within 30-40 minutes I'll get a text saying he's awake and in no way shape or form going back to sleep. Sigh. I get frustrated (this isn't an infant here, it's a toddler!) and either come home or have the hubs just deal with it the best he can.
Burkley will sometimes fall asleep in the car and he's pretty good about being transferred to the bed and staying asleep. Other than those handful of times, he's never once gone to sleep, or been put back to sleep, without nursing. He just won't have it any other way. Sure, I could let him cry, but that's never proven to get us anywhere. He'll just stay awake for ever! I truly don't mind nursing him to sleep since it's the only time he nurses, but once in awhile lately I've been finding myself ready for someone else (i.e., my husband) to be able to help in the process a bit. I know we'll get there eventually, and the arrival of Baby C in the spring may help push that along a bit.
Last week was a weirdly terrible week for sleep. He fought his naps every day for a minimum of 1.5 hours before finally zonking out and then would repeat the process at bedtime. For whatever reason, he was just not tired last week. This week has, so far, been back to normal, for the most part. Sunday he woke up from his nap right when I left and then went to bed early that night. Then Monday he napped for four hours and ended up not going to bed until after 11:00pm. I still say it's been "back to normal" because he hasn't been fighting sleep, he just nursed and fell right asleep.
In any case, I do feel like his sleep routines are changing. At bedtime for several nights now, he has asked that Daddy come lay with us while he nurses. He cuddles with Daddy a bit and then will nurse for another minute and then cuddle with him some more. He still falls asleep at the breast, but he is involving Daddy a bit more than he ever has. I'm trying to stay in tune with what his sleep needs are (less? more? timing changes?), but I admit that I fear he'll be a kid to give up naps at an early age! At this age, he's not ready to just sit and have a quiet time. If I left him in the bedroom alone with toys or books, he'd get upset and just want to leave and he'd try to get out. He is quite willing to play alone in his room though, (where all the toys and books are!) and will usually do so quietly and independently for about 20 minutes before his nap each day anyway.
With his new bedrail in place, he's staying in his crib a lot more throughout the night, but when he needs me, I am still easily accessible. He just stands up in his bed and walks right over to me through the little opening by his pillow. Lately though he's only been doing this once or twice at night, which is great. We're trying to get him in the habit of staying in his bed since there will be a new baby in the bed come spring. So far, I really do feel like we're on the right track for that.
 |
| Here is Burkley napping right this minute as I finish up this post. We let him nap in our bed, but you can see the bedrail/side-car crib thing we've got rigged up. You can also see how incredibly cramped our bedroom is and why I feel stuck with zero options when people suggest either getting a new, bigger bed or putting a twin bed on the floor for Burkley. There is simply no room. And we had to rearrange the furniture to get it like this in the first place, it's definitely not ideal, feng shui, or easy to get around. But, it's only for a season! And sure, we could always just kick B out and put him in his own room, but neither of us are quite ready for that at this point (mainly because I don't want to be woken up and have to get out of bed to get him back to sleep)! |
Please share with me in the comments section your experiences with any of the above. Do you have a terrible sleeper? (Please, don't share with me about your awesome sleeper, I've heard enough about those.) Any tips or personal stories for how your little one adjusted his or her nighttime routine?
My dear fellow sleep deprived mama, as I write this my 4+ year old girl who has unfortunately, NEVER been a good sleeper (I nightweaned out of sheer desperation at 3 when I was newly prego and she was still nursing every 2 hrs, or less) is having a night terror. My husband is with her while I sleep with our 10 month old little guy (also not an awesome sleeper but I have hope for him). Perhaps unlike you I've felt a heavy weight of exhaustion and it's aged me, and made me less of the mom, wife and human I'd like to be. It's been over 4 years. Some days I joke that I don't know how I'm still alive.
ReplyDeleteBut it's who she is. She says every night, I don't like to sleep. It used to needle
me but now I take it in stride. Most times.
Anyway I hope this doesn't make you feel worse ! Hopefully you're sleep will improve faster than mine :)
Who needs sleep, you ask? Me :)) and my poor dear tired girl who still wakes often at night.
-Dana
It's true that we parents adapt to having less sleep. But, there comes a point when a full night's (week's?!) rest can be just what we need to keep us going. I'm sorry you're feeling weakened by your lack of sleep and I hope you get some soon. I try to remember that it's only a season of parenting that presents us with this problem, though while we're in it, it can certainly seem like a LONG season!
DeleteI can also just sympathize. Mason has only become a worse sleeper over his lifetime. Of course, when my milk dried up during this pregnancy (he was 18 months), the pacifier that was never really a huge deal to him became a staple in our lives, sigh. He also has to pull at my hair/run his fingers through it to be able to go back to sleep in the night when he wakes up. Sometimes for over an hour.. and when you got all these hormones, it can get old really fast! Lately Mason goes to bed no sooner then 9:30, usually after 10. Makes it hard to get anything done! Naps are so sporadic, it sometimes drives me crazy.
ReplyDeleteI try to remind myself to go with the flow. And sometimes I have to pray for patience and take a few deep breaths as I'm putting him down, I get so frustrated. I'm really hoping the twins are the kind of kids that just fall asleep playing like the kids EVERYONE else seems to have. Keep dreaming, Melissa.
Interesting note about the pacifier. I've been very curious and wondering what will happen when/if my milk dries up. I've been anticipating a peaceful transition into full-nights of sleep, but I suppose that may be wishful thinking and things could actually get worse. :/ Thanks for commiserating with me though, it's nice to know I'm not alone.
DeleteHow old is Burkley now? We used Dr. Jay Gordon's night time weaning guide (on a modified slower schedule) since we didn't NEED to night wean. I've found that has helped our night wakings significantly (he was about 20 months when we did it). At 22m, he independently decided to begin sleeping in his own bed (twin on the floor in his room across the hall from ours). He still wakes in the night as he is a very active sleeper, but he can usually be quieted back into a deep sleep with a quiet touch and shooshing. DS still has milk before bed time, but we've had to figure out Daddy night time rituals too (as I sometimes have to work late). They came up with their own ritual when I"m not around, but I think the key to them developing that was a need when I wasn't around.
ReplyDeleteBurkley is 22 months, 23 next week. I to think it's great to try to involve Dad, but he's never had any success on his own getting Burkley to sleep without me. He will just stay awake forever! Well, not forever, but it's hard for me to justify sitting downstairs for much more than 20-30 when I could be upstairs getting him to sleep much faster. :/ I am able to get him back to sleep for one or two of his night wakings without letting him fully latch on, so that's a bit of progress I guess.
DeleteWellll neither of mine were really good sleepers until they were over a year old, my second (now 18 months) evolved into a wonderful sleeper after the age of 13 months but my 2.5 year old still fights every sleep. Due to breastfeeding issues, neither were able to nurse past 8 months so I can tell you it's not breastfeeding related: the myth about formula fed babies being better sleepers is absolute crap. I have finally come to the conclusion with my son that some kids just do not need as much sleep as other kids. He only sleeps about 9 hours at night and takes a 2 hour nap during the day. For naps and night time he sings, plays, talks to himself, reads books, etc for at least an hour in his room before falling asleep. Sometimes longer. He just does not sleep as much as other kids and his falling asleep does not look like other kids, or even like his sister, even though they were raised exactly the same way and in the same environment. All that to say: I have no answers for you except not to compare your different sleeper to other kids. I have learned that is the quickest way to discontent, for me :-) Hang in there, and do whatever you can to nurture yourself first so that you have the energy to keep up with him.
ReplyDeleteYou're so right about being cautious when comparing our kids to other kids. Never a good idea! Thanks for your insights and encouragement!
DeleteThank you for sharing how your son doesn't sleep. My 2 year old sounds very similar he nurses to sleep for naps and at bed time although this doesn't always work. We have had nights where we go to bed (we bed share)lights off and quiet and he climbs all over me nurses off and on and eventualy an hour or more later will fall asleep. I have accepted this is who he is and I hope down the road his sleep patterns will improve. Over the last two weeks things have been more challenging with the inlaws visiting and my son being so over stimulated it takes hours to calm down.
ReplyDeleteMy son doesn't sleep. I feel like he never sleeps. He falls alseep in my arms but as soon as I go to transfer him to his bed, his entire body stiffens and he starts screaming. I am sometimes successful in transitioning into bed next to dad where, if successful, he will sleep for a few hours before pushing dad off the bed. Nothing. Seems. To. Work.
ReplyDeleteYour comment made me chuckle. I can tell you're frustrated, but you're keeping good humor about it! :) Hope your little one sleeps soon too!
Delete