As alluded to in my previous post about being hesitant to add to our family right now, I am not only nervous about having more kids, but I am nervous that I will have a girl. Again, this post is about being open and honest, so don't judge me! :)
I have felt this way for a very long time and it is not because of any certain girl in my life, so don't even think that!
I absolutely love my friends' daughters, my nieces, the many girls I babysat through the years and the girls I had has students when I was a teacher.
I've been trying to figure out why I have something against having a daughter and it's been hard to pinpoint just why I feel this way. But, here's what I've got...
1. I volunteer for the local pregnancy resource center by doing laundry for them. (I LOVE laundry! No, seriously, I do.) When they get clothes donated, I wash them. When I am folding the little girl clothes, I just...ugh...I don't know! It's so weird and unnecessary, but I just feel disgusted. I don't like the frilly pink things or the princess-y things or any of it. Not just the frilly stuff, but the not-so frilly stuff too. The polka dots. The flowers. The butterflies. I seriously have no idea why I feel this way, especially since as a girl, I was very girly. I love pink, personally (my license plate even says NDAPNK- yes, that's "In The Pink") and I collect Barbies. So, I admit that it doesn't make sense. And when I say this people say, "But you don't have to dress your daughter like that!" and this is true, but I know people will give us items like that! So, let this be my request: if we do have a daughter, please don't get her those kinds of things to wear.
2. The privates. I didn't want to jump-start any nasty search engine results by labeling them properly, but I really think those girl private parts are...well...complicated. Wiping after dirty diapers is really a lot easier with boys without any folds and flaps to move out of the way! And it just kind of grosses me out, if I'm allowed to have an immature moment. :)
3. As a girl, though I fully embraced girliness, I often always wished I was a boy instead. Less drama, less hormones, less puberty issues (boys grow hair and their voices change, that's it! We get boobs and periods and all that crap!) and I hated (and still hate) those things about being female, so how can I adequately cope with a daughter going through that stuff?
4. As a teacher, though I had many girl students whom I loved, I always had more fun with the boys. My favorite students were always boys. They were just so much fun. That being said, right now in the Sunday school class I teach, there are only girls. And I love them. I just adore those girls. Hmmm...maybe I'm maturing.
5. I've talked about this awhile ago with an old friend who told me she was nervous to have a girl because of the pressure there is for the perfect "mother-daughter" relationship. I suppose I do have that fear too. I feel like I will be expected to be best buds with her and super close with her and growing up that is something I neither had nor wanted with my mom. However, we are much closer now and spend a lot of time together, so that has changed!
6. I do feel (don't hate me for saying this) that girls are the "weaker" sex. They (we) seem more fragile emotionally and in some ways physically too, though that part isn't so much what concerns me. I know there's the tendency to make our boys "toughen up" and "take it like a man" which I am learning to try to avoid with my son as well, but I feel like I will have to be gentler with a girl than I would otherwise naturally be (come to think of it, I think this is what I liked about my boy students too- there wasn't as much of a need to be "gentle" with them).
7. I really feel like the responsibility of raising a woman of God will lie on me more than my husband and this scares me. What if I mess her up? How do I show her how to be an awesome woman? I have no idea. No, I don't know how to show my son how to be an amazing man of God, but I do feel a little less pressure to get that perfect because I'm not a man anyway, so that somewhat excuses it if I mess up. Right? Hmm...maybe not.
***
However, I must say there is one thing I'd look forward to if I had a girl: The Hair!
I loved doing my sister's hair when we were growing up and I also enjoyed cutting, braiding, up-do'ing, and whatnot to my friends' hair even through college and still today. So, I guess there's that.
I've often thought in the future I would not want to find out the sex of my babies. I love surprises and have read about the potentially (though somewhat unproven) harmful effects of ultrasounds. But then I've thought that if it's a girl, I'll just NEED to know so I'll have time to adjust and bond and get excited and work through my issues. But recently I've considered that maybe not finding out is just what I need to do in order to prove to myself that it will be okay no matter what. That God will give me the exact child He wants me to have no matter the sex. That he (or SHE!) will be just the child He created for a purpose regardless of gender.
I have felt this way for a very long time and it is not because of any certain girl in my life, so don't even think that!
I absolutely love my friends' daughters, my nieces, the many girls I babysat through the years and the girls I had has students when I was a teacher.
I've been trying to figure out why I have something against having a daughter and it's been hard to pinpoint just why I feel this way. But, here's what I've got...
1. I volunteer for the local pregnancy resource center by doing laundry for them. (I LOVE laundry! No, seriously, I do.) When they get clothes donated, I wash them. When I am folding the little girl clothes, I just...ugh...I don't know! It's so weird and unnecessary, but I just feel disgusted. I don't like the frilly pink things or the princess-y things or any of it. Not just the frilly stuff, but the not-so frilly stuff too. The polka dots. The flowers. The butterflies. I seriously have no idea why I feel this way, especially since as a girl, I was very girly. I love pink, personally (my license plate even says NDAPNK- yes, that's "In The Pink") and I collect Barbies. So, I admit that it doesn't make sense. And when I say this people say, "But you don't have to dress your daughter like that!" and this is true, but I know people will give us items like that! So, let this be my request: if we do have a daughter, please don't get her those kinds of things to wear.
2. The privates. I didn't want to jump-start any nasty search engine results by labeling them properly, but I really think those girl private parts are...well...complicated. Wiping after dirty diapers is really a lot easier with boys without any folds and flaps to move out of the way! And it just kind of grosses me out, if I'm allowed to have an immature moment. :)
3. As a girl, though I fully embraced girliness, I often always wished I was a boy instead. Less drama, less hormones, less puberty issues (boys grow hair and their voices change, that's it! We get boobs and periods and all that crap!) and I hated (and still hate) those things about being female, so how can I adequately cope with a daughter going through that stuff?
4. As a teacher, though I had many girl students whom I loved, I always had more fun with the boys. My favorite students were always boys. They were just so much fun. That being said, right now in the Sunday school class I teach, there are only girls. And I love them. I just adore those girls. Hmmm...maybe I'm maturing.
5. I've talked about this awhile ago with an old friend who told me she was nervous to have a girl because of the pressure there is for the perfect "mother-daughter" relationship. I suppose I do have that fear too. I feel like I will be expected to be best buds with her and super close with her and growing up that is something I neither had nor wanted with my mom. However, we are much closer now and spend a lot of time together, so that has changed!
6. I do feel (don't hate me for saying this) that girls are the "weaker" sex. They (we) seem more fragile emotionally and in some ways physically too, though that part isn't so much what concerns me. I know there's the tendency to make our boys "toughen up" and "take it like a man" which I am learning to try to avoid with my son as well, but I feel like I will have to be gentler with a girl than I would otherwise naturally be (come to think of it, I think this is what I liked about my boy students too- there wasn't as much of a need to be "gentle" with them).
7. I really feel like the responsibility of raising a woman of God will lie on me more than my husband and this scares me. What if I mess her up? How do I show her how to be an awesome woman? I have no idea. No, I don't know how to show my son how to be an amazing man of God, but I do feel a little less pressure to get that perfect because I'm not a man anyway, so that somewhat excuses it if I mess up. Right? Hmm...maybe not.
***
However, I must say there is one thing I'd look forward to if I had a girl: The Hair!
I loved doing my sister's hair when we were growing up and I also enjoyed cutting, braiding, up-do'ing, and whatnot to my friends' hair even through college and still today. So, I guess there's that.
I've often thought in the future I would not want to find out the sex of my babies. I love surprises and have read about the potentially (though somewhat unproven) harmful effects of ultrasounds. But then I've thought that if it's a girl, I'll just NEED to know so I'll have time to adjust and bond and get excited and work through my issues. But recently I've considered that maybe not finding out is just what I need to do in order to prove to myself that it will be okay no matter what. That God will give me the exact child He wants me to have no matter the sex. That he (or SHE!) will be just the child He created for a purpose regardless of gender.
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| The current "princess" of the house: Kedzie |
I am with you! As a mama of 3 boys myself, I am scared to add just one more in fear that it will be a little girl. I have a stepdaughter, she is 17...I love her and adore her more than words can explain, but she is all the girl we need. If God were to ever bless us with a girl, I know He would give me the strength and patience I need to parent her.
ReplyDeleteSigh. I had 5 months to come to terms with the fact we were having a girl and there were a lot of tears involved for all the reasons you listed, not the least of which being periods and entirely too complex diaper changes. Truthfully, I don't know how to parent a little girl... I'm just hoping she'll show me what she needs along the way if I can remember to keep communicating.
ReplyDeleteI grew up with four sisters and it was great! While I only have a boy myself, I wouldn't mind having a girl.
ReplyDeleteI'll tell you a secret — my husband and I were scared of having a boy, for just as many really good reasons as you present, in terms of feeling comfortable with girls and uncomfortable with boys. So…we have two boys. Ha ha! The laugh's on us.
ReplyDeleteAnd you know? Once they're YOUR KIDS, you love WHO they are, not WHAT they are. I don't say that to be saccharine or preachy or glib, but just as reassurance. Honestly, once it's your little girl (or boy), all your worries go out the window as you approach the person who actually exists in front of you.
But as someone who still wants a girl, I'm fine with wishing you get what you want. ;)
As the mother of two teenage and one baby girl I hear ya. I would be clueless around a boy though, as girls are all I know. Yes they are emotional, dramatic, and cry a lot. Heck, one day all three of mine were crying in different rooms at the same time for different reasons! Tonight, I spent an hour and a half in my oldest daughters therapy session with her. With Dad she doesnt expect much but with Mom its complicated. Yes, its scary thinking about raising a Christian woman but no harder than a Christian son. You will love and adore whoever God gives you to parent and each gender has its pros and cons. As for diaper changes, I wonder what I'm doing wrong since I don't find them complicated....
ReplyDelete