(Anxious as in have anxiety not as in eager and excited, mind you.)
Now that I have a toddler, people have asked the "So, when's the next one coming?" question more and more. I've hesitated writing this post because of not wanting to feel vulnerable and be (gasp!) honest, but I know I can't be the only one who feels or has ever felt this way.
While the hubs and I both know we want more kids, the idea of having another baby (right now) makes me nervous because:
1. I just can't imagine another little life who needs me for sustenance when I'm already so busy taking care of Burkley! I have heard that the adjustment from one child to two is the hardest, so maybe it's just a hurdle I have to get over (haha, pun intended).
2. Burkley is still nursing a few times at night and I really don't want to do that with a toddler and a newborn.
3. I'm pretty hesitant about tandem nursing at all, not just at night. I used to not worry about it too much, but I've heard some of my friends talk about it and it just doesn't sound like something I'd love, though I am open to it.
4. I don't want two in diapers.
5. I want Burkley to be at the age where he can be a bit more helpful than he would be at this point. I loved napping and snuggling with my newborn whenever I wanted and I know I won't get to do that with the next baby since I have a toddler at home. That bums me out and makes me nervous too because I know that I adapted to motherhood so well partially because of how much sleep I could get whenever I wanted.
6. This is just awesome. I love life with Burkley. He's my little buddy and we have so much fun together. I love being able to give him all of my attention, be there whenever he's upset, and help him with whatever he needs. I know having more kids naturally makes you a little bit less available for each of them. This gives me some anxiety. Both my mom and some of my friends have reassured me that while this is true, it is not necessarily a bad thing. All the kids know Mama loves them and is there for them. Well, that's good...but still.
Well, so far, as I'm reading this list, these seem like some petty issues that should be dealt without much difficulty. But who knows, it could be really hard! That's what gives me the anxiety! Finally, number six, which will have it's own follow-up blog post of its own:
7. I really really REALLY do not want a girl. Sigh. This one gives me the most anxiety of all!
Now that I have a toddler, people have asked the "So, when's the next one coming?" question more and more. I've hesitated writing this post because of not wanting to feel vulnerable and be (gasp!) honest, but I know I can't be the only one who feels or has ever felt this way.
While the hubs and I both know we want more kids, the idea of having another baby (right now) makes me nervous because:
1. I just can't imagine another little life who needs me for sustenance when I'm already so busy taking care of Burkley! I have heard that the adjustment from one child to two is the hardest, so maybe it's just a hurdle I have to get over (haha, pun intended).
2. Burkley is still nursing a few times at night and I really don't want to do that with a toddler and a newborn.
3. I'm pretty hesitant about tandem nursing at all, not just at night. I used to not worry about it too much, but I've heard some of my friends talk about it and it just doesn't sound like something I'd love, though I am open to it.
4. I don't want two in diapers.
5. I want Burkley to be at the age where he can be a bit more helpful than he would be at this point. I loved napping and snuggling with my newborn whenever I wanted and I know I won't get to do that with the next baby since I have a toddler at home. That bums me out and makes me nervous too because I know that I adapted to motherhood so well partially because of how much sleep I could get whenever I wanted.
6. This is just awesome. I love life with Burkley. He's my little buddy and we have so much fun together. I love being able to give him all of my attention, be there whenever he's upset, and help him with whatever he needs. I know having more kids naturally makes you a little bit less available for each of them. This gives me some anxiety. Both my mom and some of my friends have reassured me that while this is true, it is not necessarily a bad thing. All the kids know Mama loves them and is there for them. Well, that's good...but still.
Well, so far, as I'm reading this list, these seem like some petty issues that should be dealt without much difficulty. But who knows, it could be really hard! That's what gives me the anxiety! Finally, number six, which will have it's own follow-up blog post of its own:
7. I really really REALLY do not want a girl. Sigh. This one gives me the most anxiety of all!
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| Speaking of having a toddler, why does my 18 month-old look like he's about FOUR in this picture!? |
Don't want a girl. Interesting! If only we could chat in person, I would love to hear all about that. I have two kids, and believe me when I say my husband was reallllly hesitant to add to the family. Why rock the boat, you know? I won't lie; the first year was VERY hard. My girls are 28 months apart, and my first daughter weaned herself before I was pregnant with the second, so I never dealt with some of the issues bringing you anxiety. Hey, you might not deal with them either. Nobody can tell you it's easy because it's not. BUT, the single biggest reason I love having two kids (and it's a BIG one) is that they have each other. I am continuously amazed by how many hours of the day they entertain each other. Sure, they love having me around, but they don't need me as much, and for that I am supremely grateful. Good luck with your decision!
ReplyDeleteIt is hard. I have a one year old and an 3 year old. My daughter weaned right before I had my little surprise. Mine are officially 2 years and one month apart. It is getting better and I would not change it for the world. They are wonderful together but they do fight. They are so different but so much alike. I am blessed and would not change a thing. I was nervous and scared but life happens. Just remember, you will never be given dealt a hand you cannot handle. Best to you.
ReplyDeleteI'm having a lot of the same issues as we're thinking about expanding our family. I think I'd be OK with tandem nursing, but not so much with nursing while I'm pregnant. I'm mainly scared about missing sleep and having NO time to myself whatsoever, which leads to financial worries as I work at home.
ReplyDeleteI think I'd prefer another boy as well, although I'm sure I'd adjust if we ended up with a girl. I love the idea of being mom to a handful of boys though!